A Passionate, Revealing Letter from Elizabeth Haysom to Jens Söring, 18 April 1985

Why did Söring threaten to "turn himself in" or "commit suicide" just a few weeks after he killed the Haysoms?

One of the many aspects of the Söring case that Siegfried Stang’s invaluable book clarified for me was the importance of the letter Elizabeth Haysom sent to Jens Söring on 18 April 1985, just weeks after Söring murdered her parents and only 2 days after she voluntarily provided fingerprint and blood samples to the Bedford County Sheriff’s office.

This letter was “read into the record” (i.e., someone read it live word-for-word in court, and the court reporter recorded every word) during her 1987. That’s the source of this post. You’ll find it below, slightly edited, with some bold for passages that may be of special notice.

The main points:

1. Not more than three weeks after the murders, Elizabeth Haysom already says that Jens Söring was acting as her “jailer” —that is, that he was attempting to exercise even more control over where she was and whom she met. She didn’t feel she was his prisoner “yet”, but “other people” did. Here we see confirmation of her later statements, writings, and testimony that Söring became even more possessive and controlling after the murders. Note that this confirmation of Söring’s personality change after the murders was written only 19 days after he killed them.

2. Why we can now read this letter from Elizabeth Haysom to Jens Söring? Because Jens Söring kept most of the letters Elizabeth Haysom sent him (and vice versa) with him in a heavy suitcase which he dragged around with him (before the era of wheels on suitcases) for 9 months during his international flight. It was discovered by Terry Wright during the search of Söring and Haysom’s apartment in London in 1986. We can now read this letter because Jens Söring preserved it for posterity.

3. Annabel H., who began interacting with Söring only in 2017, said he was extremely concerned about money. This letter is proof going back to 1985.

4. In this letter from just weeks after Söring killed her parents, she scolds him for threatening to “turn himself in” or even “commit suicide”. What would he turn himself in for? Why would he kill himself?

Here is the letter (changed names marked with *):

“My Dearest Jens,

There are a couple of things I wish to say. I love you very much and I'm sorry for snapping at you last night and for being a dragon all of yesterday.

Why did I snap at you? For the same reason I snapped at you over the John* business. You immediately assume I have fibbed [i.e., lied] to you, you said so. Why are you so insecure as to believe that if I had wanted to look at Richard* from the beginning I would have lied about it. Relax a little; I don't see you as my jailer yet.

When I said I wanted to go to bed I did. When I went to bed, I got a second urge to look over my miserable pet project, a change of mind, surely the privilege of every woman.

Now you are probably fuming or contorting yourself over [the comment] “I don't see you as my jailer yet”. Well I don't, but others do. I don't care for their opinions, but they may have a point.

I love you completely and if you gave me half a chance I believe I would make you very happy, much happier than you are now; a more peaceful, permanent, universal happiness instead of the kind of blind devotion which can only be temporary. Blind devotion may seem to you to be the perfect expression of love but it isn’t. For you to be blind, I must have double vision.

I carry a double responsibility for you and for me. I do not sit happily or easily on a pedestal or in a framework of perfection. I need support not responsibility. I need love and not pressure. We must support each other, for as hard as it is or as odd it sounds at the moment, I support most of you. I would love to support all of you but I can’t. I am only a second rate human being coping with the tensions around us.

You're probably laughing at the idea that I am supporting you when you have been at my arm throughout these past two weeks, but you were the one who was in a hostile or potentially hostile environment. You were the one hating it, upset by my brothers. You were the one claiming possession of the prize.

You threatened to turn yourself in, to commit suicide. When we returned [to Charlottesville] you placed this incredibly heavy responsibility of your life in my hands.

I believe we'll always be together; however, such statements as “don't worry, I'll never do anything stupid because I'll always love you” don't relieve the pressure, they add to it. And although I'm not sure you don't mean it to be an ultimatum or threat, it is. Genesis, i.e. the first book of the Bible says one of the most worst things of all time about this. ‘Free will and choice are essential to man; otherwise he is an animal, a slave, a toady.’

The death of my parents released me from that position. I was free to choose to whom I give my love. That free choice was essential because I gave it willingly. We both know, or at least you should, that I would have given it to you but you made the decision for me. I was truly appalled when you said “I didn't do this for your brothers to take you away”. I thought we did it so that I could be free.

Jens, I choose you now, I chose you before. But darling, you must let me choose. If you unwittingly coerce me, or perhaps it is consciously, how can you be sure I love you, because I will only love you because I am obligated to do so or because I am frightened of the consequences if I do not.

I'm being hard on you and I'm going to be harder because I do love you and I always want to love you. I refuse to let you kill that. "Never again demand money from me. To say to me I want 200 out of you tomorrow morning is to behave like a bastard. You only needed to say, at least to provide me with the thrill of giving you money unasked for as a token of our unity, was “I am really short of cash, oe could you loan me a couple of dollars”. For you to sit there and say: “Have you got the money? “ and not to say thank you or anything, only to get like it was like the collection of taxes or something, those are the words of bastard. Remember that it is money I have sort of earned. Also - yes there is more - don't you ever assume, verbally to me anyway, that half of my father's estate is yours. If you're so caught up in making money out of my family you better reconsider.

I will give you everything I get whether you force me to or not. The freedom to choose what I do with it, with my presents or even my life and possessions, with whom I spend my time, is all that I cherish. Do you have any understanding as to what I am saying?

It is not a happy feeling that you may need me more than you love me. I love you and I need you but please give me some psychological or even physical space to show you. For once you allow me to choose you, and I will continue choosing you, you will begin to understand the divine pleasure of being chosen.

Please my darling Jens, try and understand, I don't want your sacrifice to be a burden to either of us and nor do I want for our love to slip away.

Think it over and I will meet you for dinner. I will come to you.”